I knew there was a reason he keeps him around.

And I usually guess who was responsible before the end too.

At last I've found a list of times I can fast forward to so I can watch Columbo without knowing who the killer is.

A trip to the British Museum

Personally, I find it heartwarming that miniature robot people and talking thumbs are taking the effort to learn more about osteogenesis imperfecta in ancient Egypt together.

Do I look like Mary Poppins to you?

I've had plenty of time to think about how I'll spend the money.

I've just dug up a time capsule I buried when I was a kid.  Now all I have to do is use these winning lottery numbers I put in it.

Unfortunately there is more than one horn in this picture.

Gay Marriage Now Legal In France!

I love the feel of zinc alloy against my teeth

I’d just like to say that if any one has any Malibu Barbies in their original packaging, or alternatively fabulous new packaging, I am willing to pay for them in bit coins. And I’d like to state that on all my bit coins you can clearly see the tooth marks.

Especially the fabulous ones

To everyone complaining about New Zealand getting gay marriage:  I know it's hard to resist marrying a gay man, but I'm sure you can do it if you try hard enough.

It's time for us to all pull together

This is more or less what is being done to many women in the world.

Looks like The Master has been working out.

Disney is remaking 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea in Australia and for some reason we are paying them $20,000,000 to make it here instead of the other way around. We may as well send China some free coal while we're at it.

You am what he am.

And I'd like my hair back too.

The bond between Harry and Ron was so strong he married the woman most closely related to him that was legally possible.

The anti-Kirk ended up doing the universe more good than the real Kirk ever did

Actually it was two days, but bible people aren't good with stuff like that.

Jesus had the right idea for Easter.  Got hammered and then slept for three days.

Let He Who Is Without Sin...

Well, the Pope vote is over and still no atheist Pope.  I gotta say, there definitely seems to be a pro-catholic bias in this organisation.  But before anyone says anything bad about the new Pope, I'll just say this:  Let he who has never handed over suspects to a military junta cast the first dissident out of an airplane.

I think they may be stretching the truth a little here...

What the fug, America? I just watched a documentary on ancient Egypt. It was an American documentary so I played it at double speed to prevent myself dying of boredom. There was some interesting stuff in there, for example, a mighty female Pharoh that I wasn't aware of. But then, right in the middle of this "documentary" they started going on about moses turning the Nile to blood. Dudes, you can't straight out lie to people and call it a documentary! You have to call it Fox News instead! This sort of thing isn't helping with America's ability to tell fantasy from reality problem. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go work on my own documentary about how Australia became a nation in 1901 when the Magic Pudding freed us from Lord Humungous's wasteland raiders.

Sir David Attenborough Sticks His Nose Where It Doesn't Belong

But He Will Have To Tone Down His Performances

The Pope is retiring. Can Popes do that? I guess he just couldn't resist the offer of playing Emporer Palpatine in the new Star Wars movies.

Saucy!

I bought some American food for dinner last night - tuna bake. So I heated it up and ate it, and I thought it wasn't that great and not really the sort of thing that I'd expect Americans to eat. Then this morning I looked at the empty jar and saw it was just tuna bake sauce.

Vietnam Bex

You can't buy Bex in Australia anymore.   As a result I am completely at a loss at what to do when I need a Bex and a good lie down.  As a result I haven't laid down since 1982 when my supply ran out.  Fortunately my good friends, Pigdog and Spider, have discovered that they still make it in Vietnam and have promised to bring me some whenever they go overseas.  If it wasn't unpatriotic, I would say that it's even better than the original.  (Still haven't managed to lay down, however.  But that's okay, I just take more Vietnamese Bex.)

I take it that it occurs between two goats who like a bit of rough?

Sweet Lemonade, Sweet, Sweet, German Lemonade...

Campbell Newman Has Australia's Largest Sack

Definition of Chutzpah:  Queensland Government sacks 14,000 - blames US for increase in unemployment.

Just Working My Way Through the Phone Book Now

I think I am very close to solving the mystery of who stamped the initials CC all over the Adelaide horse racing grounds.

How To Avoid Age Related Decrease in Physical Ability

The trick to growing old without experiencing a progressive loss of physical ability is to, when young, make a point of being really lazy and unhealthy.  And then as you get older, gradually eat better, exercise more, and freebase clearasil less, and if you time it right your improving physical condition will offset your age related health deterioration.  Of course, your total life expectancy will be less than if you'd been healthy from day one, and apparently people can find it difficult to break unhealthy habits once they start them, but if you do it right at least you won't be going backwards.  At least not until near the end.  Which might come soon depending on how successful you were at being lazy and unhealthy early on. 

Speaking Truth to Power is Always Difficult

Hawkmen Biology

If Imelda Marcos Knew More Maths She Could Have Created a Shoe Singularity

I spent $70 today and it only bought me 6 shoes. But on the bright side, if I mix and match it allows me to chose between a total of 9 different potential pairs of shoes. And if I don't mind wearing the left shoe on my right foot it actually doubles the potential pairings up to 18. Kids, this is why you should stay in school. With a little maths you can triple the pairs of shoes you have.

Tips for Surviving the 44 Degrees Celsius Heat in Adelaide

1. Don't let the sun shine into your home. Trapping the heat behind curtains isn't a perfect solution, but it's better than letting the heat roam through your house.

2. Turn off lights and electronics you're not using. They all generate heat.

3. Stay hydrated.  Check your electrolyte levels by putting a little salt on your tongue.  If you can't taste the salt it's a sign you need more salt.

4. No air conditioning and temperatures are rising? Head to the shopping centre. 

5. Call grandad and make sure he's okay and isn't trying to survive the heatwave with only a small esky of beer like they did back on the Kokoda trail.

6.  Don't wonder around outside.  

Target Shooting With Simulated Guns for Fun and Profit and Above All Else, Safety.

I recently read about the vast amount of ammunition that is used by target shooters in the United States and elsewhere.  So I started wondering, why isn't the sport of target shooting practiced with simulated guns?  In our modern age of lasers and moving parts and refined metal and stuff, we are quite capable of building devices that act like firearms but which don't actually spit out a piece of metal at high velocity.  They can even be made to go bang and emit the smell of burnt smokless powder.  And we are quite capable of using a TV screen or other device to display a target showing where the bullet would have gone if the device had actually been a gun.  Various types of simulated guns currently exist.  Militaries have been mucking around with them for quite a while in the hope of cutting down on training costs and improving safety.  To get the ball rolling, I think the next Olympics should have simulated weapon target shooting. 

Of course those who are attracted to target shooting because of the role guns play in dominance fantasies in our society will probably think this idea will spoil their jollies.

Joy to the World, the Lord is Seminal. (2013 update)

Joy to the world, the world's still here,
The Mayans could not kill us,
And so with relief we all cheer,
Although the thought did thrill us.

Joy to the dirt, for some clouds rained,
Just not in the U.S.,
More rain it would be nice also Greenland retaining ice,
But you can't have everything I guess.

Joy to world for Germany saved us,
They reduced the price of PV,
All we need to do is install all across the world,
If Campbell Newman lets us.

Joy to the world because I am rich,
I've got lots of money,
And I will keep it all and not give it to the poor,
Because I look tall if you're standing in a ditch.

Why not purchase our Carol model this Christmas?

Titantic Sank 100 Years Ago? It Seems Like It Was Only 1997.

The internet is an amazing thing. Today I thought to myself, "Hey, didn't the Titanic sink in 1912? Isn't this year the 100th aniversary?" But I managed to convince myself that I must have been wrong about the Titanic sinking in 1912 because I hadn't heard of anyone trying to capitalize off the fact. Turns out the Titanic did of course sink in 1912 and vast numbers of people had tried to cash in on the fact with a mini series, documentaries and rereleases of old material, but I had completely missed it thanks to the internet. I don't have a newspaper subscription, my TV has no aerial, and I don't listen to radio. Basically, if Brad Delong in Berkeley California doesn't mention it in his blog I don't know about it. I think this is mostly a good thing, because I have no desire to listen to a load of stuff I've already heard about the Titanic, but I do wonder if I am missing out on some important stuff. So I'm making more of an effort to expand my horizons and not just keep reading the some blogs and checking the same sites. I've already been rewarded. I've discovered a bizarre Korean pop video called "Gangnam Oppen Style" you might want to check out. I think it has the potential to go viral.

So You Need Guns to Protect Yourself From Tryanny That You're Already Living Under That Your Owning Guns Did Nothing to Prevent?

The odd thing is, a large number of US citizens who are very vocal about needing freedom of gun ownership to protect their nation from tyranny are often also quite vocal about insisting that they already live under tyrannical government, which rather undermines their point as obviously their freedom of gun ownership did nothing to prevent it.

SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE (Much shorter original draft)

SUPERMAN: Gentlemen, I shall now collect all the world's nuclear weapons in a big net and hurl them into the sun.

DR PHYSICS: Superman, there is this thing called critical mass and I don't think...

SUPERMAN: Silence! You are bald and my past experience has taught me that bald people are not to be trusted! Now I'll just hoist this net and crunch all the world's nuclear weapons together in one big nuclear pile.

KA-BOOOOOOOM!!!!!

SUPERMAN: Oh crap. What are my chances of finding another planet where the inhabitant's naughty bits are anatomically compatible with my own?

Probably No Significant Amount of Concentrating Solar Thermal Capacity Will Be Built In Australia

Concentrating solar thermal power, that is using mirrors to concentrate sunlight to produce steam to run a generator, used to be a big contender in the renewable energy stakes.  It seemed like it should be a low cost way to generate electricity.  After all, the basics are pretty simple - mirrors, pipes, steam, generators.  We could have started building concentrted solar thermal back in the 19th century if we'd wanted to.  But it has been sidelined over the past few years by the huge drop in the price of solar PV which you can see in the form of solar panels installed on roofs all over the place in Australia.  But solar concentrating thermal can be built with thermal storage that can provide electricity after the sun goes down or when it's overcast.  So will Australia build a significant amount of concentrating solar thermal plants?

Probably not.

It's possible that concentrating solar thermal may become an important source of electricity in the future, but it faces some challenges. Its first problem is it’s not currently suitable for point of use applications. That is, you can't easily stick it on your roof and so needs to be supply power directly to the grid.  This means that like any other source of electricity that is delivered directly to the grid, it is less competitive than point of use solar PV. As point of use PV is the cheapest source of electricity for most Australians, people are installing a lot of it which is pushing down the wholesale price of electricity during the day and making concentrating solar thermal less economical.

Concentrating solar thermal can be built with energy storage to provide electricity during the evening, but faces the problem that Australia’s high retail prices mean Australians may soon find it profitable to install home and business energy storage which has the potential to greatly reduce the demand for electricity in the evening.   And for on grid storage, concentrating solar thermal faces competition from point of use PV. This is because Australia may end up with enough point of use solar to often push the price of electricity down towards zero during the day. This means that energy storage could be charged at little or no cost during these times. This means that thermal storage could be built without any attached concentrating solar capacity. Using electrical resistance heating to raise the temperature of concrete or other material to later produce steam to generate electricity is not efficient, but if the cost of daytime electricity is low enough it could be cheaper than building concentrating solar thermal.

So I basically I can't see Australia building much in the way of concentrating solar thermal plants, not with the decreasing cost and increasing adoption of solar PV.

I could buy me a new Maserati with the copper on that

C is for Murder

I just read an astounding bit of information. Apparently only 1 in 3 housecats kill. I'm amazed that two out of three housecats are not murderous. Now this study was done in the US and maybe it's flawed, but it suggests that it might be easy to breed cats that don't kill. Putting aside the question of is it ethical to interfere with the perfect killing machine. (It is, just ask Winston Churchill.) If you take the murder out of a cat, can we still call it a cat? I'd say the answer is yes, although it would be easier to do if they were originally called cmurderats.

AXIOM

I came across Brakels's axiom while googling my own name today:

If someone thinks [nation] is following a master plan, it is only because that person does not speak [national language].  A lack of ability that prevents them from understanding that [nation] is just as disorganized as everywhere else. 

I often come across things when googling my own name despite typing with both hands.

The Republican Party and the Batshit Insane Factor

Well, the Republican party gave up on objective reality and ran an entire campaign based on lies and bullshit and lost. So you'd think they'd change tack now. The trouble is, how do you find your way back to reality after denying it exists for so long? The Republican Party gave free reign to its teabagging attack loonies and now it is full of them and they're going to attack anyone who attempts to move the party away from batshit insane towards less batshit insane. I just don't know how this is going to play out. It's a worry because one of the functions of the opposition is to keep the government grounded in reality and I don't see how they can do that when they're off floating in the Gamma Quadrant. Our own opposition spends a lot of time beyond the orbit of Pluto, but at least they are still under the gravitational influence of the sun.

Oh, and if you don't think the Republican Party is batshit insane you might want to take this little test:

1. Is the earth more than 6,000 years old?

2. Is there such a thing as global warming or is it all a lie?

3. Is there such a thing as evolution or is the diversity of life on earth the work of some sort of magic sky wizard?   

4. Does two people of the same sex getting married hurt anyone?  And I don't mean hurt your stupid fucking feelings.

Now I'm not saying the Democratic Party is sane on these issues, but they are clearly less batshit insane when it comes to this stuff than the Republican Party. 

Presidents and Penises

Well, it's a day or so till the US election and the odds are overwhelmingly in favour of the presiding president winning. So basically it all comes down to penises now. About the only thing that might stop the current President from winning is if it is revealed that he put his penis somewhere he shouldn't have. And I'm not talking about an Australian shouldn't have, such as a chicken, barbed wire, or a tram conductor's pocket. I'm talking about an American shouldn't have, which oddly enough includes consenting adults. And what is even stranger, the lower the albedo of the penis the more scared Americans appear to be of it being put where it shouldn't. I don't know why this is the case, but I'm sure there must be a good reason. Maybe they're just scared of poking their eye out on it in the dark?

That Nice Man Disaproves of Misogyny!

I see the Sunday Adelaide Advertiser gave a page five spread to Mike Tyson where he says how great it is that Julia Gilard spoke out against misogyny. The same Mike Tyson who was convicted of rape. How nice of them to give some free promotion to a man famous for punching, biting, and rape. Stay classy Adelaide Advertiser!

To Improve the Health of Australian Children Make Shoes Optional

One of the reasons Australia produces so many great athletes is that many of them grew up barefoot.  Freeman, Phelps, and many others.  Not only does growing up barefoot give athletes an edge, it also reduces injury rates.  So, rather than spending money on olympic medal bonuses, why not take the money saving course of allowing children to go barefoot at school?  I'm sure it would have a positive effect on children's activity levels and so improve health and reduce obesity.

Teddy Bears are tough negotiators

Solar, Wind and Efficiency Killing Coal Power in Australia

And they've shut down another 360 megawatts of coal power in Australia.  This time very dirty brown coal capacity at Yallourn power station in Victoria's Latrobe Valley.  So much for paying coal plants to shut down, they're doing it on their own.

Solar and Efficiency Gradually Eliminating Coal Power in Australia

I just read that because of reduced demand due to rooftop solar and improved efficiency, Queensland’s Tarong power station is mothballing half of its 1,400 megawatt capacity. So coal power capacity that has been shut down and not replaced in the last two or three years in Australia include half of Tarong (700 megawatts), Playford B (250 megawatts), Swanbank B (125 megawatts), and Munmorrah (600 megawatts), for a total of 1,675 megawatts. And if you want to throw in half of Northern power station’s capacity as it now only operates 6 months a year, that brings it to 1,935 megawatts, or almost two gigawatts of coal power.  That's fairly impressive.

Decent weather and increased grid electricity prices have also contributed to this, but rooftop solar obviously bears a lot of responsibility, as by the end of the year we will be approaching two gigawatts of installed solar capacity.  This means that on a sunny day, Australia's PV could generate as many megawatts as as the shutdown coal plants.   

It was kind of cheeky of him. And antibluemetic.

Nazi Jack Flash

Primates are really quite lucky that pornography works for them.

Are you proposing?

And besides, pencils are stabbier than keyboards.

I have the slip lotion right here.

Nuclear capacity factor is not 90%. Why you gotta lie all the time?

World nuclear capacity factor in 2010 was 84.8%  I mention this because many people lie and say it is 90%.  World nuclear capacity factor has declined dramatically since 2010 for some strange reason.  I'll have to ring up my Japanese friend and ask him if he knows why.

Someone could hurt themselves!

Empower Women by Taking Away Their Choice to Wear What They Want!

I see some idiot is attempting to ban the burka in Australia. I wonder how that would work? If one of the three women who actually wears a burka in Australia steps outside will the police declare a burka alert and swoop down and send them off to fashion camp for reeducation? Or will they just strip a few inches off the hemline to make it a sub-burka? When they took our guns away we were compensated, so maybe we should have a bikinis for burkas program? Or perhaps we should go for a technological fix instead and start issuing people with infra-red goggles that can see through clothes?

Trust me, he doesn't mind at all.

I would just like to say what happens between consenting adults and a rubber sack is nobody's business.

No snout mark either.

Australia needs more sharp youngsters.

Even if they are old cripples begging for mercy.

"In the past I used to only murder people when no one was looking."

I always suspected that the reason Doctor Who didn't murder people was due to budget constraints and not morality.  

Relax! No one can see me...

South Australia: Killing the Planet Less.

Last Tuesday wind power supplied 58% of South Australia's electricity. South Australia's carbon emissions from the electricity sector have declined 27% over the past 5 years thanks to wind and solar power, while at the same time wholesale electricity prices have decreased.  Not too shabby by world standards.

Parting can be such sweet sorrow, but endings can be quite happy.

So he went back to a robo 'fro.

Toilet Seats - Up or Down?

You know, I think I've just realised why there is so much conflict in the United States over whether or not men should put the toilet seat down.  I think it's because, generally speaking, women have enough faith in human nature to sit on a toilet without first checking if it's boobytrapped, while men do not.  I know I certainly check every time.  Of course, in my case, this is probably more a result of faith in Australian wildlife rather than a lack of faith in humanity.  From a young age we have to learn to deal with things such as the bowl leaper frog, the redback spider on the toilet seat, and of course, the dreaded dunny mullet. 

Maybe I need a nose job? Or possibly just a nose?

On the bright side, she doesn't look that upset about it.

Have you considered tassels?

Life is a maze, but we are all ghost monsters now.

It's all part of the great cycle of life.

Basically, he just sat on his arse all day.

I mean, really.  If you're just going to make shit up as you go along, wouldn't it simply be easier to be an atheist?

It was almost as if he was some sort of control freak or something.

You sass that hoopy Lord Jesus?

And my fan club doesn't get off lightly either...

What I can't figure out is how Hitler manages to be as tall as Harrison Ford in this picture.

For that extra special shine

It's almost as if he has no self awareness at all.

Why does the same guy who expects me to feel wonder and awe at how mind-bogglingly bizarre quantum physics is, also expects me to not to think it's weird that he believes his ghost will get to live in a magic wonderland after he dies because some guy got nailed to a tree 2,000 years ago?

What do you mean, you ate its brain?

Tongue is the same too.

On the bright side, my iPhone is now an iPad.

Slightly Closer to Infinity and Then Beyond

Why haven't we been back to the moon?  The answer is simple.  Because we only stopped to pay attention when Neil Armstrong died and not when Peter Conrad, Alan Shepard, and James Irwin died.  We don't care about third, fifth and eighth place.

I find Sean Connery perfectly understandable when he gargles inside a diving bell. Why do you ask?

I've been reading about how Americans apparently had trouble understanding the character Bane in the latest Batman movie. How odd. Personally I would have found it a lot easier to understand the dialogue if all the other characters in the movie had been replaced with Bane. But I guess this would have made a few other things confusing, such as Bane's motivation and the love scenes.

He gets his thrills from mandrills.

Republican Canidate and Medical Genius, Todd Akin: