Ronald Brak

Because not everyone can be normal.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Mea Culpa

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to everyone for my use of the phrase ARSE BANDIT on this blog. The politically correct term I should have used is ARSE FREEDOM FIGHTER. However, I understand that George Bush prefers the term ARSE INSURGENT.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Kitchen Utensils of the Gods

Like, has anyone here bought some crazy nanotech device without realiseing it? I bought a two dollar can opener from Cheap as Chips last week and the damn thing is frightening. It doesn't open cans, it shears through them. I swear man, you could make someone do a Darth Maul impersonation with this baby. And what's more they smell like the Soviet Union. What I have in my kitchen is obviously the can opener Ronny Reagan used to slice open the iron curtain. The mythical 22 billion dollar can opener of freedom. (I mean you honestly didn't think all the money going into the star wars stategic defense system was being spent on missile interceptors, did you?) And look what happened to them. George Bush sinks America in debt and they end up being sold in a discount shop in Great Southern City One for two dollars. Just typical of the financial irresponsibility I've come to expect from him.

Anyone got like a Dalek they want me to open up?

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The Israelites didn't believe in God, so why should I?

Well, pastor maker has left a comment on my blog, which means that someone besides my mother is reading this, which means that I guess I should post some more.

Sorry I haven't written for a while. It's just that my mother got mad at me for using the phrase "bum bandit" on this blog and I got a little depressed. (I know it was you leaving that anti-bum bandit comment Mum, don't try and deny it.)

So what have I been doing since I stopped blogging? Not much. I've spent a lot of time playing video games, or at least trying to. I haven't had much luck. My gaming system isn't very good. You see, instead of buying a Playstation or an X-box I made a bit of a mistake and went and bought a God-box. It was an honest mistake. At the time I knew the most popular computer game in the world was called Halo, so I just assumed you needed a God-box to run it.

It's a very frustrating gaming system. It keeps giving me messages such as, "Your game has been saved, but you have not." And I'm not very impressed with the games available for it. Now you'd think that a first person shooter with a really cool title such as Exodus would be pretty good, wouldn't you? But I have to say that I've played a lot of computer games and I've killed zombies, aliens, dinosaurs, Nazis, terrorists and mutants, using everything from laser guns to swords, but in Exodus where you run around killing first born Egyptian children with the finger of God strikes me as being just a little creepy. And the plot is really stupid too. I mean it has God sending all these miracles to free theses slaves, including turning the Nile red, sending down flaming hail and plagues of frogs. He even sends down a flaming pillar and parts the Red Sea and drowns the Pharoh's army. But, next thing you know, they've forgotten all about God and start worshipping a gold cow. How unrealistic! Who would believe people could be so stupid? Sheesh, and people get up me for lacking faith. The Israelites got a bumper crop of miracles and they still didn't believe in God. Personally I don't see how anyone can fault me for having the same level of skeptcism about God as his own chosen people did.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

V is for Vendetta which is good enough for me

I went to the movies and saw V for Vendetta last night. I enjoyed it very much. However, some people out in internetland have become a little confused, so once again I offer free of charge the following infomation to help clear things up:

1. Trying to Blow up Parliment House in real life = bad.

2. Making or watching a movie in which someone tries to blow up Parliment House = not bad.

I hope this helps clear things up. And in further good news, both Natalie Portman and Kermit the Frog have signed on for the sequel C is for Cookie.