A Twit in Iran

10:04 - Iranian Police have confiscated my camera equipment. Attempting to film protests using mobile phone.

10:07 - Iranian Police officer complains that my confiscated video camera doesn't work. I tell him you have to push on the battery pack. He says his cousin can fix it.

10:09 - I realize my mobile phone doesn't have a camera. In retrospect I should have realized sometime in the past four years that my phone doesn't have one. The colourless grey liquid crystal display should also have been a give away. Never bothered to replace it because if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

10:10 - Iranian police clubbed my mobile out of my hand and it's swelling up and turning purple. My hand that is, not the mobile phone. (Although a mobile phone that swelled up and turned purple would be cool.) Huzzuh! I now have an excuse to buy a new phone!

10:13 - Crap! I fixed my phone. Probably stuck with it for another four years now. Hand has returned to normal colour. The purple started fading after I stopped squeezing my wrist so hard.

10:17 - Have found a ten year old with a mobile phone that has a camera. I am now holding him above the crowd so he can take photos for me.

10:22 - Police didn't appreciate me using a ten year old to take photos and smashed his mobile phone. Fortunately I suffered no injuries this time as I had a convenient shield.

10:26 - Other ten year olds reluctant to work for me despite promise of delicious candy. I am going to try to get through the police cordon and ask the people lying on the street bleeding how they feel.

10:32 - Plan to get through police line by disguising myself as a pinata unsuccessful. Supplies of delicous candy running low. Fortunately I still have adequate quantities of teeth.

10:39 - Plan to get through police line disguised as pig also unsucessful. Attempt to curry good will by handing out curried pork and other pork products did not go down well for some reason.

10:42 - Have successfully bribed a police officer with my remaining delicious candy and two pounds of revolting candy. Passing though police line now.

10:43 - I kneel down before an injured protestor. He cries out in pain. I take my knee off his groin.

10:44 - "Hello," I say. The injured man looks up at me and says in perfect English, "As you can see, the Iranian people are in a desperate struggle for democracy..." I cut him off.

10:45 - "No long speeches. As a result of constant exposure to modern media we no longer have the attention span to... Wow! Look at that guy get beat up! Excuse me..."